Reprogramming Myself!!!

There are days when I feel completely lost.

Not halfway lost, not just a little distracted… but entirely lost.

Like I don’t know what I’m doing, why I feel dull, why I can’t move, why everything feels repetitive, relentless, boring, even creepy at times.

The feeling of escape hits me.

The urge to run away from my own reality.

And then comes procrastination, like a heavy blanket I can’t throw off.

And in those moments, I pause and say to myself: Bro, you’re a human. It’s okay.

But is it really?

Because the very next second, I get stuck in the confusion—what does being “human” even mean?

When I push myself to work hard, I hear: “Don’t overdo it. Give yourself rest, you’re human.”

But when I actually rest, my brain whispers: “You’re wasting time. Are you doing the right thing? Shouldn’t you be working right now?”

So what’s the criteria?

When am I allowed to be human, and when am I expected to work like a machine?

And it doesn’t end there.

When I try to be kind, I hear: “Don’t be too sweet. People will use you.”

When I try to be blunt, I hear: “You’re too harsh, you don’t have emotions.”

When I stay quiet, people assume I’m weak.

When I speak up, they say I’m arrogant.

When I choose peace, they call me boring.

When I choose chaos, they call me reckless.

Like, what the hell do you even want?

First of all—who gave you the right to decide what I should do or not do?

And second—this is my life.

Why can’t I live it the way I want to?

Why can’t I set my own versions of right and wrong without being judged every second?

See, my brain is already programmed. By my family. By this society. By teachers, relatives, friends, people who thought they knew better.

Since childhood, we’re told what’s “right” and what’s “wrong.” What’s acceptable, what’s not.

And somewhere along the way, we forget—none of those labels were even ours to begin with.

So what am I really doing right now?

I’m trying to reprogram myself.

Trying to break free from all those codeswritten in me without my permission.

Trying to build my own version of truth, my own lens, my own perspective.

And let me tell you—that process is not easy.

Because every time you question what’s “normal,” society stares at you like you’ve committed a crime.

Every time you reject their version of right and wrong, they try to guilt-trip you into submission.

But I’ve had enough.

So here’s my request. No—my demand.

Don’t impose your definitions of “right” and “wrong” on everyone.

It may be right for you.

It may be wrong for you.

But it doesn’t mean it’s the universal truth.

Everyone’s life is different. Everyone’s battles are different.

Stop forcing your opinions like they’re commandments.

Stop playing the role of a judge when you don’t even understand the case.

Let people live.

Let them breathe.

Let them make mistakes.

Let them set their own code, their own algorithm, their own damn way of living.

Because the truth is—nobody came on this earth with a manual.

We’re all just figuring it out.

So let me figure it out my way.

If you’ve ever felt trapped between “too much” and “too little,” between “too sweet” and “too harsh,” between being human and being a machine—you’re not alone.

Tell me—what’s one “program” society installed in you that you’re currently trying to delete?

-V🪻